There's No Escaping

if you were to peek into my house this week, you would have seen a desperate momma trying to get a handle on
1) her emotions 
2) her heart and then 
3) her children. 


it has not been a pretty sight. 


but i've seen something about the nature of my heart: naturally, it wants to flee from God during moments of distress, pressure and great disappointment.  


Sunday
i was home from church with a sick babe and "just happened" to read Corinthians 1:1-8. the key verses that stuck out to me were, "he will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful" (8-9). i reread them, and then read them aloud to my sick kiddo. then i went on about my day. 


Monday
oh. my. word. could i be any more emotional and off my rocker? i felt like i was going to lose it every second. and in those times of desperation, i did cry out, "i can't do this. please help me." and then moved on.


Monday PM
i recounted the day for steve. not every gory detail but enough for him to get the gist. then out of nowhere, we started arguing (seriously, could i cause any more trouble in my home??), i storm out (really? how old am i??), drive around and started trying to pick a fight with God. "where were you when i was calling out?" "maybe all the skeptics are right. what is this all about?" (wow. just like that, i was going to try and walk away from my God. things weren't going my way, and i was just going to chuck it?) i won't disclose all my thoughts, but they were ugly. 


i was ugly.

it got ugly. 


but God is faithful. God is good. He settled my heart, though i was acting like a petulant child. He heard my repentance. He kept me safe and brought me home.  and what was the first thing steve said when i walked in?


"So'd you have fun?" 
i love this man of mine.


we recounted our thoughts, confessed to each other and found God's forgiveness in each other's hearts.


Tuesday
not too bumpy of a day- not my favorite, but no crazy emotional antics


Wednesday
a little more hairy, but still not too bad. i found time to get back in the Word and meditated on 1 Cor 4-9 again. after Steve got home from the evening service, we both shared how God was using this passage and another like it in our lives and in the lives of another couple we know here. we praised God that it is up to Him to keep us for we are really like sheep who will wander away from the shepherd. we praised God that it is up to Him to gently herd us back in the fold even if we are willfully trying to escape the safe hedge he has put around us.


Thursday
doooooowwwwwwnnnnnn goes the roller coaster. lots of children crying, fussing, in short, being all they know to be naturally. i'm tired. and i find this (make sure you click on the download on that post), and i'm thankful. thankful that He is faithful even when i am not.


what will tomorrow hold? maybe more of the same, but that includes His faithfulness and grace. thank You for making this available to me through your humble birth, humiliating death and glorious resurrection.